


I've Fought It A Lot

by semi_automatic



Series: Am I Painting The Picture That's In My Brain? [3]
Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abuse, Fear, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Panic, Schizophrenia, Songfic, Strength, Suicidal Thoughts, Sweet, Sweet Ending, blurry takes over, blurry's voice in bold, he's okay, holding on to you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-05-03 08:30:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5283839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/semi_automatic/pseuds/semi_automatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey, Ty, just calling to check up on you… I know it’s kind of late but--”</p><p> </p><p>“Tyler Joseph is perfectly fine. Also, he’d like for you to stop fucking interfering. He wants Blurryface to win.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s Tyler’s voice, but it’s lower, angry, and Blurry and Tyler could both sense Josh’s confusion as Blurry hung up, Tyler coming back, blinking.</p><p> </p><p>“What… What the fuck did you just do?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Fought It A Lot

_I'm taking over my body..._

Tyler hisses in pain as he collides with the bumpy wall, his shoulder curling in to protect his chest, his face, important things.

His shoulder was probably bruising terribly - he could feel it aching through his shirt, pulsating with his heartbeats.

Blurry laughed.

**“If I can’t have that fucking body back from you, I’ll make you fucking destroy it, Tyler.”**

“I hate you!” Tyler shouted, hugging himself tightly, staring at his shoes.

**“Well that’s just too bad, huh? That pretty much means you hate yourself, you know, since I’m, well, fused with you, I guess that’s the word. I am you, Tyler. We’re the same.”**

“N-No… Shut the fuck up, Blurry, we are not the same, you--”

A yelp, a sharp strike against the cheek. Black fingerprints staining pale skin. Tyler whimpered as he held his face, quiet.

**“You wanna say that again?”**

Silence.

 

_Back in control, no more shotty…_

Tyler hadn’t told Josh how bad Blurry was really getting.

Now it wasn’t just a hallucination here and there, an occasional demeaning voice in his head.

Now it was all the time.

It was being forced to stay up at night, distracted by the glowing red eyes in the corner of the room.

It was not being allowed to talk to so many of his friends. **They wouldn’t want to deal with him anyway.**

It was damaging his own body, causing bruises and cuts and once, Blurry even made him wrap his chest, stomach, arms and thighs with ace bandages, cutting off circulation as Tyler tried his best to play piano.

It was hardly eating because **he didn’t deserve it, of course.**

It was not knowing which thoughts were his anymore, not knowing who he was anymore.

Was it taking control or being controlled?

Tyler wanted to take control, but he didn’t know what controlling thoughts were his and which were Blurry’s.

Who was in control?

_I bet a lot of me was lost…_

**“That’s my fucking body, Tyler. You’re mine. I should be in there with you. I should be you. We’re supposed to be one, don’t you see?”**

Who is Tyler?

Who is Blurryface?

Is Tyler still someone? Is he really Blurryface? Is there a difference? Can one exist without the other? Can they exist together? Do they even really exist?

Who is Tyler?

Who is Blurryface and why does he want me dead?

_T’s uncrossed and I’s undotted…_

__

Josh had to send Tyler reminders of everything.

Including to eat.

Sometimes Tyler still didn’t listen.

Tyler forgot a lot of things.

Closing cabinet doors was a big one that bugged Josh.

Paying bills was one that was really important.

Tyler was just trying to remember to breathe, to think, to fight.

_I fought it a lot…_

Tyler tried to keep fighting.

“If you’re supposed to be me, then why am I me? Who the fuck are you? Are you even anyone?”

And it seems a lot like flesh is all I got…

A growl, a punch thrown.

More pain, another bruise.

Tyler’s fingers feeling scabs over his wrists, scratches on his neck, deep painful flesh wounds that Josh would bandage up, often while Tyler cried and screamed for Josh to let him go, that Blurry was making him do it, that Tyler had to hurt his body to make Blurry go away.

Tyler was skin and bones.

But he was alive.

_Not anymore…_

Tyler stood up straight, finding the pair of red eyes.

_Flesh out the door..._

His muscles tensed.

_SWAT!_

Tyler’s fist collided with Blurry, sending him into a frenzy of static.

_I must have forgot, you can’t trust me…_

Tyler screamed as his hand collided with the mirror, shards flying, digging harshly into his knuckles.

Blood dripping.

Pain.

He hisses, drawing his hand back and inspecting the wounds, gritting his teeth and pulling out the tiny glass shards.

The phone rings.

As he turns to look at it, he catches a glimpse of something in the remains of the mirror.

Were…

Were his eyes red?

Tyler is stuck in the red as his hands answer the phone, something else doing this.

_I’m open one moment and closed when you show it, before you know it I’m off at sea…_

“Hey, Ty, just calling to check up on you… I know it’s kind of late but--”

 

**“Tyler Joseph is perfectly fine. Also, he’d like for you to stop fucking interfering. He wants Blurryface to win.”**

It’s Tyler’s voice, but it’s lower, angry, and Blurry and Tyler could both sense Josh’s confusion as Blurry hung up, Tyler coming back, blinking.

“What… What the fuck did you just do?”

_And now that I write and think about it and the story unfolds…_

**“He shouldn’t be calling anymore.”**

Tyler blinks, looking down at the call log.

Josh.

“What did you tell him?”

“...”

A sickening grin.

“No no no no no…”

Tyler paced, pulling at his hair as he called Josh again, biting his lip.

Blurry took his arm, pulling the phone away from Tyler’s ear, making Tyler look at him.

__

_You should take my life, you should take my soul…_

“Tyler?”

**“Wouldn’t it be easier if you just let me take over?”**

“Tyler, what the fuck?”

**“Or maybe, since you want to get rid of me so bad, you should kill us.”**

“I’m coming over, okay? Just stay calm, don’t listen to what h--”

Blurry takes Tyler’s hand, gently pressing his fingers into the end call button, silencing Josh.

**“Don’t listen to him. He really hates you, Tyler.”**

_You are surrounding all my surroundings…_

The static creeps in from the sides of his vision, filling his ears and his lungs.

Tyler gasps, turning and bolting for the door.

_Sounding down the mountain range of my left side brain…_

The door slammed shut in his face. Tyler ran into it at full speed, crashing and flying back, onto the floor, banging his head harshly.

He reached up, cradling the left side of his head, the same side of his face Blurry hit him on.

Blurry was real.

No matter how much Josh said he wasn’t.

Blurry was real, he was in Tyler, in his mind, and he was going to take over.

Blurry was Tyler.

__

_You are surrounding all my surroundings, twisting the kaleidoscope behind both of my eyes…_

The world warped, Blurry standing over Tyler.

Outlined in white, everything black as Blurry dripped sticky reds and greens and smiled down at him.

**“Scared, Tyler?”**

A million eyes all open up and blink at him.

Tyler lets out a horrified scream.

_And I’ll be holding on to you._

He shuts his eyes.

Real world real world himself himself he needs to remember that he is himself and he’s real and alive.

How can he be sure he’s himself? Who is he?

Who am I?

_Remember the moment you know exactly where you're going…_

“I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die…” Tyler whispers, voice cracking, a sudden longing to do something, to get this out, to create.

__

_'Cause the next moment, before you know it, time is slowing and it's frozen still…_

__

How long had it been?

What time was it?

What day?

**_“And the window sill looks really nice, right?”_ **

Tyler sits up, shakey, not opening his eyes, still holding his head.

_You think twice about your life, it probably happens at night, right?_

__

**“Wouldn’t it be easier?”**

“I don’t want to die I don’t want to die…”

_Fight it!_

__

Tyler stands up quickly, bolting for the door again, and this time Blurry can’t slam it in his face.

Running down the hall, into his room.

Ignoring throbbing in his head and his hand.

_Take the pain, ignite it…_

Grabbing his journal off the keyboard, taking a pen, scribbling all over one page after drawing a face.

At least it was something.

_Tie a noose around your mind…_

__

Tyler grabbed his meds from the bedside table, dumping two into his hand.

These were supposed to get rid of Blurry.

Supposed to help.

_Loose enough to breathe fine…_

Tyler didn’t overdose like Blurry told him too.

He swallowed the two quickly, shutting his eyes for a second.

__

_And tie it, to a tree, tell it, "You belong to me, this ain't a noose, this is a leash, and I have news for you, you must obey me."_

Tyler scrawled in his notebook again.

“I am in control I am in control I am in control You do not control me You do not control me…”

Over and over and over.

He couldn’t let Blurry win.

_You are surrounding all my surroundings…_

Tyler jumped when the door slammed open. “Tyler? Where are you, baby boy? I’m here!”

“I-In here…” Tyler called, his voice a little weaker than he would have liked.

_Sounding down the mountain range of my left side brain…_

__

Josh practically ran into Tyler’s bedroom, pulling Tyler into a gentle, safe hug.

“Oh god I was scared, I was so scared he got you baby boy… I was so scared he’d hurt you…”

The real touch felt a lot different from Blurry’s touch, and Tyler started to cry again as he curled into it, shaking.

_You are surrounding all my surroundings, twisting the kaleidoscope behind both of my eyes…_

__

“Shh, shh, it’s okay… It’s okay… I’m here now, baby boy. You’re safe. He’s not going to get you, shh…”

_Entertain my faith…_

“I l-love you, Josh…” Tyler whispered softly, pulling Josh closer as his journal fell to the floor, forgotten.

“I love you too, Tyler…”

_Lean with it rock with it, when we gonna stop with it?_

Josh rocked Tyler gently in his arms on the bed, kissing his forehead softly.

“We’ve gotta get you help, baby… We’ve got to make him go away. We will. I promise. You’re gonna get better. You’re gonna be okay.”

“I just want it to s-stop…”

“I know…”

_Lyrics that mean nothing, we were gifted with thought…_

Josh notices the journal.

“Have you been writing again, baby?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah…” Tyler says, thinking about words and scribbles.

_Is it time to move our feet to an introspective beat…_

“Can I read some sometime?”

_It ain’t the speakers that bump hearts, it’s our hearts that make the beat…_

“Maybe some other time. When they’re organized. Like… In a song.”

“You want to write a song? You could do it. You’re great with words and great on piano. I love your singing voice, too…”

Tyler smiled faintly, clinging on to Josh. He remembered that Blurry shut up when Tyler played music.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll write songs…”

He pulled Josh closer, pulled himself closer, held on tightly.

**  
_And I’ll be holding on to you!_ **


End file.
